1. Must Have Bed That Makes Itself
2. Attorney Awakened By Uninvited ‘Bed Buddy’
3. Man finds cold intruder in bed with him
4. Singer John Mayer Jokes He Wants To Bed A Transsexual
5. Children Jumping On Bed Sparked Brockton Fire

1. Woman Chooses Jail Over $7.45 Waffle Bill
2. Police Arrest Two In Same Car For Drunk Driving
3. Woman Attacks Officer With “well-used and bloody female sanitary napkin”
4. Road Rage Woman Passes Traffic on Curb, Rams Police Car
5. Bobcat Driving ATM Thief Ends Up at Bottom of Cliff

Colo. Insurer Decides To Cover Fat Baby After All is a post from: Offbeat News

1. Hooters Orders Waitress To Trim Fat
2. Grand piano found on sandbar in Miami bay
3. Doctor Powered His SUV with Patients Liopsuction Fat
4. Prisoner Too Fat For Cell, Released Early
5. Average handbag weighs same as toddler

1. Musical Shaker Instrument Recalled by Woodstock Percussion Due to Laceration and Choking Hazard
2. Tea light candles a fire hazard?
3. Passenger Opens Plane’s Emergency Exit Door, Walks Out on Wing
4. British Airways Flight Terrorizes Passengers With Mistakenly Played Crash Message
5. Parrot Tells Mom About Choking Baby

1. Runaway Horse Heads to Movie Theater
2. Doting Boyfriend Pops The Question At Whole Foods
3. Doting Boyfriend Pops The Question At Supermarket
4. 84 Year Old Music Fan Spends Night Locked In Toilet
5. The best teenager deterrent? Songs from The Sound of Music

Teen Falls Into Open Manhole While Texting is a post from: Offbeat News

1. Texting Teen Falls Down NYC Manhole; Will Sue City?
2. SpongeBob Episode Helps Save Choking Girl
3. Study: Texting Does Not Affect Children’s Ability To Spell
4. Girl, 10, Suspended For Peppermint Oil
5. Request For Juice Spirals Out Of Control On Flight

1. Teachers Are Harming Children by Grading with Red Pens
2. Airline, Union Clash Over Dancing Flight Attendants
3. Thai airline recruits ladyboy flight attendants
4. Quadruplet Rare Red Pandas Born In Denver Zoo
5. Sexy ‘Plus-Sized’ Ad Ban Angers Consumers

1. City To Give Viagra To Men 70 and Older, Happiness is Important
2. CIA Bribes Afghan Warlords with Viagra
3. Dutch police investigate alleged ecstasy pill
4. Wife Calls Cops After Husband’s Viagra Results Scare Her
5. Mud Solution For Oil Rig Spill In Timor Sea

1. Prostitutes see gold at Olympics
2. ‘Sex tax meters’ introduced for German prostitutes
3. Las Vegas Area Brothel To Offer Male Prostitutes
4. San Francisco Looks at Decriminalizing Prostitution
5. Nevada Prostitutes Offer Free Gas With Services

1. It’s a Bird, It’s a Shark, It’s a Mossad Spy
2. Spy Pigeons Arrested Near Nuclear Site
3. Facebook Lends Hand In Finding Missing Dog
4. Police Chiefs Cause Controversy With An Ad Asking For Gay Officers To Protect The British Royal Family
5. Facebook Post Provides Alibi For Robbery Suspect